The Annual Cry

You read the title right. 

The annual cry is the time that comes around during the winter where every woman feels like the have just lost absolute control of the world around us. Everything keeps pressing down on us women and then we CRACK. When we crack, we cry for an uncontrollable amount of time. I am talking at least an hour. Most of us have no idea exactly what we are crying about. But boy, does it feel good to let it all out.

Mine happened this morning, at the gas pump. I arrived home late last night from work (around 9:45 pm), and like I mentioned last night, my husband was ready to spend time with me. He had even made me a delicious, key lime pie, dessert. And my was it good. We watched our weekly show and then headed to be around 11pm. You might not know this about me. However, I neeeeeeeeed sleep! I'm not talking about just six hours. I need at least eight hours a night, if not more. 

Going to bed at 11pm last night was just the beginning of my day this morning.

I woke up late, and snoozed my alarm at least three times. Because of this, I didn't have time for a shower, and didn't have time to eat breakfast. I ran out the door and then as I starting driving, realized I didn’t pack my lunch and didn't have any gas in my car. When I arrived to the gas station, I tried to put my card into the slot. The card went IN to the slot, but when I tried to pull it out, it decided to wedge itself inside the slot. It was stuck.

Oh. My. Goodness. 

Not only did I go to bed too late, snooze my alarm, miss breakfast, and became late for work, THE CARD GOT SUCK. I could not believe it. Sulking, I walked inside to the gas station embarrassed and frustrated with what had happened. The man at the register was not pleased either. He came outside with tools and a key and began taking the gas machine apart. 

Good news: I got my card back. 

The not so good news: The guy wouldn't let me try to use my card again. I began to feel my eyes well. I began to feel my lips quiver. I tried to think of happy thoughts and tried to reassure myself that it was going to be okay.

I told the man thank you as quickly as I could and went right into my car. 

The annual cry began.

I called my husband and cried and cried and cried. I spoke about my frustrations for the past six months and continued to cry. After about 30 minutes, I realized that I needed to get going to work because I was already behind. Thankfully I didn't have to worry about the gas after that because I had a coworker take me to work. Thank You, Lord.

I made it to school safely. 

The day was going well until the kids began writing. As I went around the room to conference with my students, I began to read their creative writing pieces. One of my students had been working on a writing piece for a day or two and asked me to read it.

A child sometimes can put everything into perspective. How does a ten-year-old begin to understand things that are way too complicated for me to sometimes understand?  

As I began reading, I could feel those tears begin to well in my eyes again. This little girl was writing about a man that had passed away. And at the end she wrote “We need to keep this family in our prayers so that the Lord can give them peace.”

Isn’t that the truth? We, as adults, spend so much time trying to be strong in front of everyone, including those who are close to us. We try to be strong not only in front of them but in front of the Lord. Why? We are weak without the Lord, but we shouldn’t have to always try and be strong and put together when it’s not what we’re going through at that time. Yet, we try, or at least I try to be strong for so many people, yet I hardly pray for my own peace. I hardly pray for my own strength. I hardly pray for myself. The Lord teaches us to be selfless, so why would I?

This morning, after I read the girl’s story, I prayed for myself. I prayed that the Lord would make me strong. I prayed that he would help me eat well today. Most importantly, I prayed that the Lord would give me peace.  And as I sit here right now writing, I know that he has.

Thank you Lord for getting me through the day. Thank you Lord for giving me the peace I need.

Here's to losing it all 

with the help from a box of tissues and a reality check...

Madalyn